Vivere Senza Rimpianti
I am keenly aware of the sands of time slowing slipping away. In 3 years C1 is off to college, C2 is in high school and A hits the 7 year old range. In 4-5 years even RP will no longer want to hang out with me all the time. Right now it is a given that if I am going somewhere on the weekend then at least the two youngest children will be with me. But I know that will end. My time as the number one focus in my children's life is slowly ending. And I live each day trying to capture and enjoy as much of the time I have with them as possible.
I think I drive the Wife crazy because on the weekend I never stop. It is one adventure to another with my kids. She does not understand my need to frantically drink as much of the experience as I can. The need to make memories that I can hold to when the kids are older.
I do have a life outside of my kids. I work, I go to Mass, I spend time with the Wife. But for me right now in life this is the key focus when I am not trying to make money. Today I spent 5 hours at the zoo, next week I will go to the beach or the park or somewhere. Because I refuse to look back at the years I have now and think that I missed something. To regret even a moment of the time I had with my children. I refuse to live with regret.
4 comments:
You have hit me in such a tender spot. Especially today.
My job has changed in a number of ways; one is that I have to work about twelve hours on Sunday, and unless things go very well during the week, all day Saturday as well, sometimes from morning until bedtime.
Furthermore, whereas my children could be with me previously, now the setting is simply not conducive to their presence. I hate it! I feel this precious time passing - not only my time with them, but my time with my mom, as well.... But, for now I am stuck. Constantly, I redouble my efforts to use time wisely. But, I rarely manage to use it wisely enough!
My little bit of relaxation (where are the days I read actual books? watched actual TV shows? or movies?) consists of moments here and there delving into blogs (as now while waiting for the dryer to beep).
Oh, I understand! And I envy you! You are so, so right! Take the time with them! My older two are suddenly grown-up and married, when they were such a short time ago my little ones.
I read once that the problem with change is that we tend to overestimate the value of what we have today and underestimate the value of what we can achieve if we would just change.
I stayed for a long time in a work situation that I was slowly growing more and more unhappy with. And people told me I would change jobs and look back and never understand why I stayed as long as I did. And they were right. Now I work a job where I see my kids all the time, I am challenged and I love where I work. I would not go back for the world.
I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes you have to take a leap into the dark because what you have today is not sustainable. And once you have changed you will not understand why you waited so long.
It is funny because those are similar words to what I said to one of my colleagues who was "disappeared" in December. I work for a parish; it merged with another, and it was our parish that took the "hit" in terms of staff. In fact, apart from a secretary, I'm the only one left. However, my husband is unemployed now....and it is just difficult to jeopardize everyone's security... However, I am dislodging myself in various emotional ways, bit by bit (of course they are doing that too, and more obvious ways - in fact, life is now something like a bad dream...the same place, some of the same people, but everything is different. One of those ways is that any sense of my being valuable, or the chance to be creative, is gone.) Now, back to your advice, which I so blithely had also given to my friend - a month or two later I saw her at a liturgy and she said that I was absolutely right. She could hardly remember why she'd been so upset to leave here.
Ian, I so remember Michelle swearing to me that you would never be as satisfied anywhere as you were with THE OTHERS (do you watch Lost?) :) It's so true. I think they have the strongest culture of any company on the planet. For sure they have the best inside marketing, we are all convinced that nowhere else will ever measure up. Isn't it amazing how FREE you are once that chain is broken? Something like the chain we break when we allow Christ's grace, I think! Your kids will have great memories too!
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